Sometimes
Sometimes the reason that you don’t feel like people trust you is because you don’t trust yourself. Sometimes the reason that you feel like people are trying to avoid you is because you are just avoiding knowing who you really are. Sometimes when you feel like people are being dishonest to you, it’s because you’re being dishonest to yourself. Sometimes when people around you are all close minded, you find that the only one with the blinded view is you. Usually, it’s our own perspective that needs changing. God exposes and tweaks those things that need to move in order to get us to where He really wants us to. Sometimes. Sometimes, all we need is to remember where we came from to remind us of where we are going. Sometimes, we just need to get past the moment and realize that now is already gone and all we have left is the future. Maybe we just need to make our sometimes with God all-the-times. To live those lives we want without the hindrance of our own expectations. Void of reason and full of passion. That’s who we need to be. But sometimes, I wonder if that can happen. Can it? Mmm, I sure hope. I know. Yea, it will. Sometime. Sometime soon.
Posted by John 
Posted in: Personal, Philosophy 
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Tuesday, June 24th, 2008 at
9:15 am
Sun [Sŭn or Suhn] - 93 million miles away
You know, hunger and waiting are two entirely separate things. Hunger is interesting, in that as you get hungrier, you will eventually get less hungry. Granted, this is terrible for you. It means that your body has simply chosen to shut its senses off because you’re ignoring it. But still, it’s amazing that the longer you go without food, the easier it gets. Though this is only the preface of what I wanted to say, I wanted to tag on this. It’s really a phenomenal spiritual principle. When we don’t eat, we stop being hungry. It’s not that we don’t NEED to eat. And indeed, we legitimately are NOT hungry. But that’s not the point. The reason we’re not hungry is because we’re not feeding ourselves. Even more so, we are just starving ourselves. Killing ourselves even. Wasting our beautiful existence. Anyway, we must feed ourselves. We must eat of God’s Word. Just like with real food, it’s our only means for healthy survive. Hunger is one of those things though, that if you stop eating, it will eventually just go away with time.
But there are other things, like waiting. That seem to only get harder as you go on. Seriously. Waiting only gets more and more excruciating as time goes on. Seconds creep by like the dark clouds that keep the sun from shining. I remember as a kid, just aching to see the sun peer through in explosive rays over my rainy days. But it just always took longer than I wanted. And it still does. I look over my life right now, as I write this, looking out at the clouds covering up my sun. I’m not sad. Nope. I have too much to make me happy to be sad. Mmm, that smile. Exhale. But you know, it still makes me realize how long a wait. What’s amazing to think is that the sun is always up there. Always. It’s sometimes just covered up by the clouds of waiting. Ugh, waiting. But it makes us what we are. It does. And as I have continued to say, the sun is so much brighter as it breaks through darkness. What is light if there is no darkness?
Now, I’m not being all new-agey or yen and yang. But the principle is that as we watch for the clouds to move past the sun to shine on us, the sun feels so much brighter, stronger, warmer. Mmm. The sun is coming. Those hugs of sunny smiles, shining its love. Pouring its rays through those beautiful eyes. Beaming in glamor and gorgeous radiance. Here comes the sun. Even though the million plus seconds have felt each like a day, the sun is coming to reunite itself in the joys of summer. Winter has nothing on summer. Spring and fall are okay. But summer! Mmm, summer. Time to spend together, finally. Me and the sun have an appointment as soon as these clouds pass. Maybe if I sing, the clouds will move a bit faster for me? La, la, la! Nope, their on their own time, in unison with the dance of the cosmos, following the destiny of the ruling King.
Here comes that sunny morning. 6 AM and you know I’ll be there. With my windows open, I can feel that breeze as the clouds move past. And the sun tickles my eyelids, makes me squint. Mmm, the sun. Exhale. I can’t wait to smile again. Straight up in the face of splendor. Glorious, radiant, magnificence. You’re beautiful. Oh yes, you are! Just as you are too. Nothing extra, just you. The clouds, the storm, the thunder, the rain, the lightning, the wind. It all passes. But the sun, mmm, the SUN stands forever. That sun, the son, my sun, we all stand forever, together. So bye-bye clouds. Have fun on your way out! I see the shine in the distance. And it’s coming for me. And I’m going after it. Just a few more nights and those mornings will bring in the day to us here again.
Posted by John Posted in: Art, Personal, Philosophy No Comments » Friday, May 30th, 2008 at
1:09 pm
Wait Defines Worth
God has us wait for a lot of things. God has us wait longer than we want to on most things. And why is that? I mean, couldn’t God just give it all to us right now? Perhaps. I mean, He is God. So respectively, He could do whatever He wants. But does He is the question? And the answer, well — the answer is typically no. You see, the wait is what gives the worth. The longer the wait, the greater the worth. God uses the wait, in every area to prove the worth. God uses the wait to not only prove how valuable and worthwhile what we wait for is, but also to see how much WE value it. In the wait, God prepares us. The preparation is essential. We can miss it. That’s the most bizarre thing about it. And no, we don’t want to — not at all! But we could if we don’t do what we need to. You see, without the ability to fail, where is the beauty of success? Along that same line, without the wait, what is the enjoyment of the reward? I actually believe it to be quite meaningless. You have no idea how many times I have wanted to stop this wait and take it upon myself to guide this process.
Seriously, I have wanted so many times to just allow everything that is inside of my heart to explode. It’s almost a daily thing that I have to put the phone down and refocus myself, aligning my heart and mind with the goal. “Just wait,” is what I hear Him say. And it’s more than just this intermediate wait here. There is always the ultimate wait that we all take part in. For Salvation namely. But there are also many other waits we have additionally. You see, life is about the wait. Everything we do, we wait for. Why? Because the wait gives the worth! And it’s not about trying to just get through the wait. Rather, it’s about appreciating how much worth is being invested and stored up into the reward through the wait. The longer the wait, the greater the worth of the reward. Wait defines worth! And I’m speaking to myself in all of this. I wake up every morning thinking about it, go to bed every evening the same, and dream about it almost every night. It’s not like this isn’t a big thing for me. Sometimes, I think it might be the biggest thing. And even, the wait wouldn’t be so hard if I knew it really was the biggest thing. Maybe though, the point is to treat it all like it really is the biggest thing? Because the more value we place into the wait, the greater we increase the reward. And even, see — here is another angle: It’s not so much that the worth of the reward increases through the wait . . . it’s just that we have been prepared to the point where WE can understand and appreciate the worth of that reward in its full measure! Wow!
How about that! THIS is why the wait is so important. If we don’t get ourselves fully prepared, we could miss out on this whole beautiful thing that God is doing in us. But as we continue to pursue God, in the trust that He gives us, knowing that we want ourselves prepared for that unspoken future — the shadows of the silent motion. As we stay focused, remain strong, keep focused, and run with our everything, allowing the full preparation by whatever means necessary . . . it will come, someday. Now, I’m gonna tell you right now it’s going to be longer than you’re expecting. Even though we go through these times of short waits, the long wait is still quite a ways away. Months? Probably longer. Years? Probably more like it. But I can’t let that get me discouraged. You can’t either. The longer we have to wait only means that its beauty will be that much more radiant when the time comes! I mean, seriously — you think it’s beautiful now? I know I do. Then think about it once the entirety of the preparation is over?! Ah! What beautiful magnificence!! Makes me feel weak just thinking about it. See, that’s what it’s all about. Sometimes just sacrificing the good for the absolute best! God rewards those who wait. Indeed, He does. He promises are sure, and His words endure. What He said, He does. Don’t try to think it through. Trust in what You know, not what You see. Trust in what You have resolved yourself to accomplish, and don’t look back. Because you know what, I absolutely promise you that it’s the exact same way or greater over here. Mhmm. It is. Exhale. And I resolve to fully embrace my preparation so that one day, whenever it comes in the unseen future, my eyes will see and my mouth will speak the fullness of my beautiful wait. Ah! Wow. Mhmm. Exhale.
Posted by John Posted in: Art, Personal, Philosophy No Comments » Wednesday, May 28th, 2008 at
7:42 am
Silent Motion (2008) - John Staub
Written by John Staub
Copyright © 2008
I thought that I would write a poem to say things I can’t
To show the way I feel within those moments that we have
It feels like every time that I could say a special phrase
I get all trapped within the moment, and it wastes away
But maybe it’s okay for now, the way that I can’t talk?
Cause maybe any word I’d say would mess the whole thing up?
I tend to feel that silence sometimes speaks a whole lot more
Than every single thing that could be said within a word
It doesn’t mean I’ll never find the strength to say it all
But till it comes, I aim to prove my feelings with a trust
I’m storing up the stuff inside that pours out from my soul
And save it for the perfect time, as guided by the Lord
I feel that words are only true when proved by likewise action
I know there’s nothing stronger than a passionate devotion
Perhaps it’s words that hold us back from trusting for our needs?
When all the while, in silent motion, all I want . . . I see
Posted by John Posted in: Art, Personal No Comments » Monday, May 26th, 2008 at
10:36 am